Inner Identity, Outer Expression
More than just a haircut
Lexi Whitehead
For many people, hair – how it’s cut, how it’s styled, how it’s colored – is a central part of their identity. Changing it can be scary, exciting or even a step in self-discovery.
This was the case for Kit Gladieux in August 2020, when they decided to cut their armpit-length, wavy, dirty-blonde hair to an above-the-ears pixie cut.
That summer, after over two years of knowing they were nonbinary, Kit came out to most of their friends, changed their name and started using they/them pronouns.
Kit said it was freeing to be themself, but at the same time, they were becoming frustrated with their own body. Their long hair and small stature still screamed “woman” to most people, and some had a hard time using Kit’s pronouns and new name.
To differentiate themself from when they identified as a woman, they decided they needed to do something drastic to their appearance. The obvious solution to Kit was getting an androgynous haircut.
Long hair felt overly feminine to Kit. Growing up, and especially during their first year of college at Miami University, they struggled with displays of femininity such as wearing “girly” clothing or shaving their legs.
The decision to cut their hair short was something Kit wanted to do for themself, but they also hoped others would perceive them more andogynously.
However, the decision to cut their hair wasn't an easy one as Kit struggled with their mom’s comments.
“I love your long hair. It’s so pretty.”
“Pixie cuts always look weird on people with round faces because it makes you look even rounder.”
But when August came around, it was a new school year and Kit’s sophomore year of college. They moved into a new apartment with friends and decided it was time for a change.
They made an appointment at a nearby salon with the first hairdresser who had an open slot.
On the day of their hair appointment, Kit walked in and met the woman who would be cutting their hair. She washed Kit’s hair, and the two of them made small talk.
When they were back in the salon chair after the wash, the hairdresser went in with her scissors, cutting off most of the hair length. The first chop horrified Kit because there was no going back. It was out of their hands if it looked good or not. While the hairdresser cut Kit’s hair, she continued to make small-talk and asked what their major at Miami was.
“I’m in the arts management program,” Kit told her.
“Oh, that’s awesome,” the hairdresser replied. “I’m an artist.”
“Oh, that’s very cool, what do you do?”
“Actually, I’m a prophet.”
“Oh, you’re a prophet?” Kit asked.
“Yeah, I get these messages from the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and I channel them for people.”
Feeling weird and uncomfortable, Kit sat back and just let her cut the hair.
The hairdresser cut the hair in sections, taking off length bit by bit. After cutting it to a bob length, she stopped and confirmed: “You want a pixie cut, right?”
Kit said yes.
The hairdresser asked why Kit wanted to cut their hair as she began removing even more length. Kit didn’t feel comfortable telling this stranger the real reason for their haircut and thought of a generic answer to give her.
“Oh, I just needed a change. I just needed a fresh start, you know?”
Kit’s long-hair-turned-bob now just barely touched their chin. Again, the hairdresser stopped and confirmed: “You want a pixie cut, right?” Again, Kit said yes. It was the final stretch of the haircut.
“I’m actually getting a message for you right now,” the hairdresser said.
“Oh really, you are?” Kit asked. It wasn’t because they were curious, but more because they felt like they had to.
“I’m seeing a green book,” the hairdresser said. “Do you journal? Do you have a diary?”
“I actually do have a bullet journal, and I carry that thing around with me everywhere, but it’s blue,” Kit said.
“Well, I’m seeing a green book.”
“I guess you could say it’s like a blue-green,” Kit said. They tried to go along with it, not wanting to upset the person cutting their hair.
As she was wrapping up the cuts, snips and trims in Kit’s hair, she said, “This haircut is the start of you becoming your true and real self.”
The hairdresser didn’t know how right she was.
It was the start of something new for Kit – the start of outwardly expressing the person they were on the inside. It was the start of being comfortable in their own skin.
When the hairdresser finished cutting Kit’s hair, she asked if they were ready to blow dry it. She had cut it wet, so Kit didn’t know what it would look like in the end.
“Please, let this look good,” they hoped.
The hairdresser dried, combed and styled Kit’s hair. When the final product was ready, Kit looked at themself in the mirror.
“Oh shit, that’s me,” they thought. “That is Kit.”
Losing all of that hair made them feel light and free, both physically and mentally. Shorter hair carried less weight, and their appearance now aligned with how they perceived themself and how they wished to be perceived by others.
Kit left the salon and went home to their roommates who were anticipating Kit’s return. They tracked Kit’s location to see when they would be home and ran outside at their arrival.
The roommates huddled around Kit, taking turns ruffling their hair and offering compliments.
“You are so cute!”
“You look like a little fairy!”
“This looks so good on you!”
If Kit needed any external validation that the haircut was the right choice for them, this was it.
Now, over a year later, Kit’s hair has grown to just above their shoulders, but they think it’s the perfect mix of masculine and feminine for them to be comfortable with.
However, it wouldn’t have been the same if instead of cutting it to a pixie, they cut their hair to their chin or shoulders. Presenting androgynously helped Kit unlearn their resentment toward femininity they had before.
“You don't have to be androgynous to be nonbinary,” Kit said. “I know my identity, and the people I love and who matter know my identity, and that’s enough for me at this point in time.”
"I'm learning to appreciate the way I present femininely. I still like the way I look."
